SIXTEEN: Murphy’s Dumb Law

Murphy’s law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong

Cole’s law primarily consists of thinly sliced cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise

An oldie but a goodie. Heheheheheh

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had those weeks where everything that could possibly go wrong decides to do just that. Well, at least, that’s how it looks within our own little mental bubble. And doesn’t it feel great to just let that be an excuse to be absolutely furious at how unfair the world is? No, it really doesn’t. It feels like shit. So here are my thoughts on the famous teachings of Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s a dick.

If I have a choice between being remembered as the guy who looked at life like old mate Murph and being forgotten by the time my grandchildren have their own kids, then let my legacy be noting more than dust. Fancy being the guy that’s famous for saying “aw man, when it rains it pours hey :(“ or “man, everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has :’(“. Get your negative ass outta here, quit your moaning.

I was Murphy this week. I spent the entire week holed up in my house, going outside only to get shopping, caught up in the mindset “I really need a win”. And when I wouldn’t get the outcome I hoped for, the world was ending. I was getting frustrated in my inability to find a university to study with, I was getting agitated with work, I was getting closed off and not wanting to do anything social. My exercise regime went out the window as I opted for unhealthy food habits and atrocious sleep routines. Then of course this all came to a head when my rugby team got their ass handed to them. Like for goodness sake, couldn’t I at least have THAT to be happy about? Essentially, I completely contradicted absolutely everything I talked about last week when I talked about H.E.A.L.T.H.

Does that make me a hypocrite? Not at all. I mean, you’re welcome to think that, it doesn’t concern me, but no it doesn’t. Because, despite all of my perfections, I am just as flawed as the mere mortals that walk alongside me this earth (when I decide to actually go outside and walk). But, my experiences with mental health allowed me to recognise the self-loathing and self-destructive behaviours of the last week. And with that recognition comes a week long eye-roll as I allowed myself to be a couch potato, knowing full well I would not feel better until I put a stop to it. While it would be easy to submit to them for an extended period of time, that wasn’t ever going to do me any good. So, I gave myself a time limit. Righto Tim, if you wanna be a sad sack, go for it. But come Monday you better get your ass up and get your shit together or so help me GOD.

So I did. I served up a little tough love to myself, finally washed the dishes, finally had a shower, finally had a shave, finally went back to the gym, finally ate something that wasn’t just a bowl of straight carbs. And what do you know, I found a bloody university to apply for. After spending hours scouring the great continent of Europe looking for a country that would get me an education that didn’t cost me an arm and a leg, and didn’t require me to be fluent in another language, it finally dawned on me that I wasn’t looking at my home country (facepalm). And what do ya bloody know, I found 4 colleges that offered my degree online.

Never forget where you come from, kids.

So now I’ve shed my couch potato, sad sack skin, let me tell you how to beat Murphy and his dumb law. Like all movie/video game villains, defeating such a foe requires strategy. If you have Thor’s hammer, that definitely helps. But, seeing as I have misplaced it, we need alternatives. So, this is how I do it;

A STRICT time limit with a sprinkling of tough love – sometimes you need to be a sad sack, sometimes you need to eat garbage, binge an unhealthy amount of Netflix, sometimes you gotta listen to the dreariest playlist known to man and Kim K cry the week away. BUT, this is temporary, and absolutely cannot be allowed to become a lifestyle. For me, it’s about saying, “alright mate, you’ve got 2 days to get your act together”. Once those two days are up, that’s it. No more self-destructive behaviours, you’ve had time to feel sorry for yourself. Put on your big boy pants and get up.

Divide and conquer – it’s so easy to consider all of the “failings” of the week to be one big, steaming pile of horse shit. But nothing helps me more than taking one and flipping it in my favour. The best move forward is finding the most manageable “problem” on your radar right now and making it your bitch. No matter how big or small, a win is a win. A win is progress.

Filtering the content you consume – one of the highlights of my brooding week was the abundance of sitcoms I watched. When all else failed, I found comfort in the familiar characters, stories and good feelings of my favourite shows and movies. Find your comfort, whether it’s reading, video games, meditating. The healthier the habit, the better the results. Do what you need to do.

Those are a few little cheat codes on being Murphy the moron and his dumb law. But, of course, everyone deals with these things differently. I am open to your input! It’s important that we’re not so hard on ourselves, but we also don’t let ourselves get away with too much of a bad thing. You know you better than anyone. Do yourself a favour and stay honest.

So, in summary, Murphy sucks. No-one listen to him. Instead, listen to Lord’s Law;

Our experiences grant us the ability to discover the best version of ourselves. In success and in failure, trust the process.

That’s better. Have a wonderful week my precious doguins.

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one

Hans Selye

Mental Health

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